i am tired. 

i become vulnerable in the evenings....i blame no one but myself.

i've signed up for xanga, sad i know, its only until i finish this challenge thing. the  majority of 'eating disordered' girls over there are pro-ed. really glittery pink journals about how ana is the only way of life. hahahhaa. i've signed up for this challenge. and it sort of feels good because so far i'm the one with the lowest weight among the other girls.  its ridiculous though i'm back to being 107. ughghghsyfuasldf. 107 isn't really something to be proud of. okay now i'm back to being sad.

weight: 105

although i'm on track with my plan, losing a pound every 5 days, i still sometimes wish i could shed the weight asap. i just keep having to reassure myself that this is for the best. i have to be 104 by the 10th. i hope i cam make it. 

todays the 6th day of my period. i remember i was told in school that periods only last 3 days... so wtf ever. 

oh yeah...i have to get my blood tested again. i previously had minor hyperthyroidism, then somehow switched to hypothyroidism. weird, i know. 

anywho, i'm done rambling. bye!

i'm still 104.5 lbs. maybe its bloating from the period? maybe not? 

i've begun  listening to Bright Eyes again. especially the albums i'm wide awake... and fevers and mirrors. its been a while. 

well last night i couldn't sleep, so i picked up my mp3 player and the first song to play was "we are nowhere and its now." it couldn't have been a better song to play at that moment. 

 " I've been sleeping so strange at night
Side effects they don't advertise
I've been sleeping so strange
With a head full of pesticide"

yesterday: 
B- cheerios, boil egg, minute maid light [200]
L - orange, applesauce, chai latte [210]
D - congee [400]
total = 810 

exercise = burned 700 calories on treadmill 

i'm glad i met my goal once again. =]

yesterday was the official day of my new plan. and all went well. i took in  970 calories and burned off 700 on the treadmill !



good news: woke up to 104.5 lbs 
bad news: i also have my period today. ugghh 

oh yeah its halloween... notice there is no excitement in my typing. its not that i hate halloween. just i don't feel like partying or whatever this year. 

heres a good horror movie to watch  though:
 

its a hong kong movie. but subtitles are included. CREEPIEST MOVIE i've ever seen. there were times when i couldn't even watch it, or had to cover my ears. i watch alot of horror movies but this one was different. 

i've been watching alot of asian movies lately, mostly hong kong, japanese, and korean. something different from the typical american movies.

Crap! why did they have to switch to a huge arse box of MOVIE THEATRE BUTTER popcorn. thats about 425 calories per bag. 

note to self: no more daily popcorn.

my goal is to be 94 lbs by new years of 2007. that means i have 2 months to lose 12 lbs. so 6 lbs a month is realistic and doable. if i think realisticly, i won't give up too early.

i have to lose 3 lbs every 15 days (2 weeks, 1 day) i can do it.

calculations;
3500 calories x 3 lbs = 10,500 calories
10,500 calories / 15 days = 700 calories

so if i burn an extra 700 calories everyday i will be able to lose 3 lbs every 15 days. 

my plan for the next two months: 

everyday intake 800-1000 calories
everyday outtake 700